A moment of reflection

Ok.. this is obviously more that a moment...
What a year it has been!
2008 was a definite turning point in all of our lives. One of the biggest changes was obviously making the decision to homeschool. What a long time coming that was. How good I remembered feeling once we finally commited to the decision.

Since we made that decision in June of '08 we have had many ups and downs. It has been a roller coaster ride to say the least. We had so many obstacles to overcome, one of the biggest was my son's loathing of school. The last year in particular took so much energy from all of us that we had a lot of repair work to do to fix our relationships. It was definitley challenging. There were the days that I went to bed wondering what in the world I had gotten myself into. I was nervous, anxious, wondering how I was going to be able to do it all. That definitley clouded our first couple of months. Most of all I was so afraid of failing my kids. Thinking that I just wouldn't be able to teach them everything that they need to know. Then you throw in every day life, work issues, death, sports, friends, extended family... well I think most people can see how this could be very overwhelming.

Once we got in to the groove things got much better. I still had/have my moments/weeks where I stress a little. I still haven't been able to get over the "We are getting behind" syndrome. I do feel I am getting better at this all the time. I wish that I was able to be a more relaxed home schooling mom- going with the flow and not worrying so much about my cirriculum schedule, but unfortunatley that is not the way my brain works. I feel the need to get done what I had planned on paper that we would. Like I said, I do feel I am getting a little better about this, but I hope to improve more this year.
Here are a few things that I feel are very positive about our experience as new homeschoolers so far.
We have grown so much as a family over the last seven months. We were having problems communicating with DS while he attended public school. He was withdrawn, spent much time alone, wouldn't express his feelings at all. He was definitley not the same kid that we had sent to that school. (http://ohkona.blogspot.com/2008/10/our-journey-to-homeschooling-part-2.html and previous posts) I am proud to report that he is back to his old self these days. He is constantly telling jokes, making us all laugh, and taking interest in things again. While in P.S. he wanted to watch T.V. in all his free time and beg to play video games. He now (without being forced) plays with creative toys,READS, blogs (more recently) and finds things to do outside rather than asking to watch t.v.
Reading is a HUGE thing for him as it was a big point of frustration for him before and he hated to do it. He was in one of the lowest reading groups in public school and is now a thriving reader, reading many selections that are at 5th grade reading level and above. He sneaks up late at night to read!

As for his school work- it has been a long battle but I feel we are finally making progress. He is showing interest in learning again. His attitude towards school gets better all the time. I finally have my baby back.

The kids get along so well. It is unbelievable! They still have thier moments like any other kids, (Ecspecially if one has a friend over, or if we have company.. oh- or let me get the rare phone call!) But they are best friends around the house. They help each other with chores, they make up games to play together all the time, and beg for sleepovers all the time. DD asks DS for advice and he gladly gives it, and he helps her with school work often.

As a family we have quality time again. Without having to abide to the P.S schedule we are able to make our own time together. It has definitley brought us closer.

Areas I need to improve:

I am terrible at scheduling ME time. I hate babysitters. The idea of it, I just hate it. I know this is ridiculous but I feel like I brought them in to the world they are my responsibility. I don't want them to be a "job" to anyone. They are getting big so fast that I just don't want to miss any of it. I know it sounds crazy, but I can't help how I feel. That being said, I have not gone to the gym since June when they got out of school. For many years I went 6 days a week and now not going at all it is defintley showing physically and mentally. I wish I could find a way to fit it all in.

I am always behind on the house work. I do realize there are more important things so I don't stress on it like I would have in the past. But it does hold me back from certain things- like inviting neighbors over for playdates as often as we used to- I find in what little down time I have I am usually cleaning and I am uncomftorable having people over when the house is messy.

I am definitley not giving as much as I used to to keeping up friendships. I don't necessarily think that is all bad though, as I realize now I was giving too much to too many and a lot of times it was one sided. I do think I could and should try harder to maintain the most important of the friendships, the ones that I have had since childhood and still remain friends with.

As far as school work goes the things I know I should improve on are scheduled art lessons. The kids, DD in particular are always drawing, painting, molding, ect. So it is not that they don't do art at all. But I know I should expose them to different organized projects more. I do have an ART book that I purchased with projects from around the world that I intended to use (and haev a couple of times) But I find so often that the items needed are things I would have to purchase and are not always cheap. I try to do the ones that are cost efficient and that we already have most of the materials...

Science- I read from a lot of books for them and we do simple "experiments" focusing on animal and plant science, but I have a hard time being excited about the subject and therfore don't find myself being as creative as I know I could be.

Nature- We do read a lot and the kids look at their field guides often but we do not do a lot of Nature Walks or activities outside now as it is so cold and wet. It seems to rain just about every day and it is so cold. It is hard to make myself want to get out there. In the summer time this isn't a problem as we love to hike and camp, but as of now- we are completley lacking.

I don't feel we are neccesarily lacking in MATH but I do know I need to make sure it happens every day 5 days a week. I don't enjoy MATH although I do like the cirriculum we use. DS doesn't enjoy it although he is very good at it. He just hates doing the work. He is getting better with the whining and such so it is becoming more bearable, but it seems that if we don't buckle down and do it in the morning that I just don't have the patience for it by the afternoon. I am going to try to be better about that this year. I am hoping to double up on lessons when possible in order to catch back up with our schedule (We got behind when we were in California) We plan to school year round, but since Math is such a stressor I would like to implement a more relaxing math schedule for the summer, keeping our skills by playing games, cooking and such- hopefully having finished the Saxon program by the end of May.


I am just touching bases at this point, of course there are many more positives and a few more negatives, but I listed the major ones. Overall, as a family we are all very happy with the decision we made to homeschool. It is a challenge at times, but also so rewarding. I hope that I continue to learn from my mistakes and improve on what I know, and never give in to that feeling that I can't do it all. The proof is in the kids, they are happy, healthy and so very smart. No matter what the books say I should do, or my own plans (I remind myself this daily!) We are raising two great human beings that will contribute greatly to this world one day. What more could a mom ask for?